3 Lies We Tell Ourselves
Updated: Sep 26, 2021
Everyone has narratives they tell themselves. These stories are shaped by our opinions, some things are true, but some narratives have no truth at all.
Rather than calling out the lies we internalize them and call them the truth.
To be fair, most folks with ADHD are encouraged to turn down their inner voice and do whatever it takes to appease the masses. Many of us have a knee-jerk reaction to being put on the spot and can lie even when we logically know we don't need to.
We use these toxic perspectives to compare ourselves to others who appear to have life figured out, which keeps us coming up short.
Here are some of the lies and how I overcome them:
1. This should not be this hard
How many times a day do you say this to yourself?
Life can feel especially challenging for those who always feel behind.
A few things I ask my clients when I hear this comment:
1) What makes this thing hard?
2) When have you felt like this before?
3) What do you know about yourself in relation to this thing?
This is often loaded with generalizations about those around us - they’re not struggling, they get so much more done in a day, their house doesn’t look like mine.
The truth is we don’t actually know what is happening with others.
Nobody is perfect. We know that, but we still tell ourselves that others are better than us.
What if that’s true sometimes? Some people do keep house better than others — some are not overwhelmed by laundry or toy organization — some pay bills on time.
But every single person has something they struggle with. Everyone.
It is okay for some things to be hard for you.
Maybe it’s something you can improve - maybe it’s something you can get someone else to help you with - maybe you have gifts others could benefit from.
We need each other to fill in the gaps, but you've got to accept that gaps exist and see how your strengths can help you.
Okay, lie number two...
2. They are right, I am incapable
This lie fills the heads of many brilliant, creative, and capable people.
Your brain is different and competence looks different in you. The world may not get it, but I do.
What do you do really well? It helps to counter this lie by honoring your strengths and looking at things you don’t excel at simultaneously— balance the feedback.
Many times when I think I’m being perceived as incapable or incompetent the opposite is true.
We don’t see ourselves clearly - for better or worse. Who helps you see the real you?
3. I am too much
ADHDers hear or feel this throughout their lives.
If you’ve received this message: find people who don’t make you feel this way and let the other voices fade.
I won’t tell you that you’re not too much, because for some people we are. That’s fine. They’re either not our people or they need to learn more about you to love you better.
If you feel this way about someone: Just because we may talk loudly/forcibly, appear to have thick skin, or exhaust you with our mess, forgetfulness, or talkativeness doesn’t mean we’re unbreakable.
Many ADHDers struggle with relationships and are doing a lot to self-protect.
We need people in our corner. Will that be you?
These are lies we need to break down in order to heal and grow as people, what lies are you stopping in their tracks today?
If you're like to work toward dismantling these alongside other ADHD women, come hang with us in The ADHD Enclave. It's safe there to be you, in fact, we expect nothing less.